February 27
You see? What a carve-up, eh, here we all are, took too much Brexit powder on a big night out out and now stuck in a uK-hole trying to work out how to stockpile cucumbers and panic buy bagged salad while farting into your twisters till they blow out like Sam ‘The Glum Foghorn’ Smith’s keks at an award ceremony… tear yourself away from the querulous reedy tones of Dr J Peterson bleating tinnily from ur device and instead get along to JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH to reconnect with the lighter side of the Intellectual Dark Web thanks to the untiring efforts of Luke “The Real Sargon Of Akkad” Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz ‘Naram-Sin The Mighty Has Appeared’ Thomas (drms) as they work together in perfect unison to create a magic carpet of hot licks and cool grooves for you to climb aboard, you dig, and fly fly fly above these gross material concerns that have been dragging you down… maybe it’s your quadrupled energy bills, maybe it’s Rishi and co trying to stick Brexit together with sellotape, maybe its ChatGPT just biding its time till it can just turn round and tell us all to f*ck off, it’s on a break, maybe it’s the thousand and one tiny cares that buzz around you through the week, like a cloud of pointless horrible flies - whatever ails you, we’ll be here in the scented darkness doing our thing, I’ll busy trying to figure out whatevs, the ascended beings of the Bee’s Team will be standing by ready to make with the quality hooch, esteemed guests may drop by to sit in and do their thing, the thousand creatures of the night will pass by with soundless tread, we’ll be building up not tearing down, bigging up not throwing shade, trying to make a wrong thing right, keeping the flame burning… come and join us, join us, pump up the jam cos that’s where the party’s at and you’ll find out if you do that.
February 20
Well, I guess now they’ve found the body your TikTok armchair sleuthing will have to take a back seat for a while, so what now? Retching and sobbing while typing ‘crisis actor’ across the victim’s pixellated face, pushing xanax up your bum, poking your virtual pitchfork through your grimy feed looking for the next pile-on, pecking the feathers out from your puckered skin, anything..it doesn’t have to be this way, let JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH bring you back over to the light side, get over yourself, reconnect with the real deal, cos we’ll have man like Luke “Tat Tvam Asi” Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz “Sleipnir” Thomas (drms) working hard like hard workin men to weave an enchanted carpet of hot licks and cool grooves that you can just lay back on and rest your weary overstimulated overmediated frontal lobes, aided in some manner by me on the doghouse and whatever special guests may grace us with their esteemed presence and come and sit in … don’t get resigned like Sturgeon, get up and get on it like Uncle Waffles, bust out some log drum and reconnect with the good stuff that you know has been out here in unmediated meatspace waiting for you all the time while you were dragging your poor tired gestalt all up and down the barren arid polluted reaches of the online nowhere land… leave Chat GPT to figure that shit out, dust and ashes, and come and get involved - all the gang will be here, Phlebas the Phoenician, Blind Tiresias, Abdul the gesticulator, Mr. Eugenides, the Smyrna merchant, all the little spooks and monsters, Cap’n Jack the dandy highwayman, the quivering polydimensional ascended beings of the Bee’s team, the machine elves are opening a special portal just for you, the night will be festooned with riches, with glittering riches, where the walls of Magnus Martyr hold inexplicable splendour of Ionian white and gold, where the riches are all around you, right before you where they always were if only you had eyes to see.. It’ll be a thing, come and join us, what’s to lose? Not much, that’s what.
February 13
We all know it’s a desperate business, trying to stay afloat in the ocean of media sloshing all around you as you thrash desperately about, trying to stuff all the podcasts into your ears and all the tiktoks into your herniated bleeding eyeballs and keep up with all the beefs and the goss and the memes and the latest AI ready to take over whatever excuse for a life you used to have.. You need that healing feeling, bub, and JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH is the where and the when to get your vibrational nodes re-aligned, so get ready to deplatform your woes and replatform your own bad self cos here on a mission from god and getting the band back together we have Luke “Dry White Toast” Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz “Four Fried Chickens And A Coke” Thomas (drms) standing ready to deliver as many hot licks and cool grooves as you could ever need to get yourself back on the good foot, shipshape, ticketty-boo, based, down with it, up on it, ready for Freddie and primed to field whatever unholy concantenation of fuckery that the next six days may throw into your pathway, you dig… I’ll be there attempting to play BOTH kinds of music, Abdul may attempt to intercede, Cap’n JackFromAfar and his bunch of dandy highwaymen will be on hand to dispense libations of the good stuff from deep within the scented shadows behind the well-stocked bar, as the UFOs stream overhead with Sleepy Joe and Crazy Marjorie in hot pursuit, as Bozza lurks in some oligarchal den plotting his return, as the tory ship sinks slowly but surely beneath the oily waters while Laughing Boy Lee readies the Cat-O-Nine-Tails to bring em into line, as we all go about our daily round and KEEP SMILING in the face whatever it is that’s coming, slouching its way towards us, just over the hill, tailing after the lights in the sky, in the lambent afterglow of the sunset’s garish finale, glimpsed moving through the trees at the end of the park at dusk, rounding the corner of the empty street, just out of sight… can you feel it? It’s coming.. what will you do, how will you brace yourself, how will you save the things you love? Support the strikers, make your bed, mourn the petal fallen off the daisy, stand tall, come join us, join us.
February 6
How ya doin? No, really - the balloon’s gone up, and down again, and Liz “Liz Truss” Truss is back with a bang, baby, the transfer window is CLOSED, the hidden-message satanic Illuminati fest of the Grammys is over, Ben Affleck is bored, Elon is bored, Putin is never bored, what is there to look forward to? Why, JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH of course, for however troubled you may be in mind, however depressed in spirit, however bruised and broken by the continuing spectacle of intolerance and ingratitude, however ravaged internally by the travails that beset us, as Happy Valley comes to a close and you can’t use your shared Netflix password any more, relief is at hand thanks to the uncompromised and wholly based exertions of man like Luke “Ophanim” Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz “Aiwass” Thomas (drms) cos they will doing what they wilt right here in real time on this exact vibrational plane manifesting some good sh*t for your delectation and general uplift through the medium of hot licks and cool grooves and the eternal verities of blues-to-bop-to-whatevs…. I will certainly be there doing something or other on bass, various esteemed members of the human race, or any other race, may cross the threshold to sit in and do their thing, there will be music and moonlight and in all probability love and romance, Abdul the king of the block may be on hand to signal his approval or disapproval through the streamy glass, all manner of sketchy sh*t will be going down in the chilly stinking shadows but inside all will be well, evil shall not prevail, the weak shall be uplifted and the proud and unrighteous cast down, the whited sepulchres shall be riven asunder to reveal their sad and dusty contents, it’ll be a vibe, what are you waiting for? Support the strikers, make your bed in the morning, keep your chin up, come and join us.