Nov 25th
As the darkness gathers, the rain drives in over the sea, your tethered device lights up hot with the rising tide of angry political shitposting, what’s your take as we swoop in towards the big reveal? Is Jezza gonna sell on his promised hot girl summer of jam for all, or will Bozza’s blustering sweep us away in a hot tide of rancid eructations? JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH may not have the answers you are looking for but neither does anyone else so you’d better squeeze into your galoshes, put on your best face and get on down and join us as we celebrate life thanks to the tireless musical ministrations of man like Luke “Don Gorgon” Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz “The Spreadsheet Shotta” Thomas (drms) laying out a magic carpet of hot licks and cool grooves for you to ride away on far far far above the tiny little squishy figures of your quotidian concerns... there will be honoured special guests blowing in upon the winds of change to grace us with the fruits of their creativity, I’ll be doing whatevs on bass, the dauntless Bee’s Team will be hovering in the velvet shadows behind the well-stocked bar, and the procession of humanity, so various, so beautiful and new, will be making their way through the slippery streets …. who will come in through the misleadingly aligned portal? Angry boomers, haggard coomers, disappointed VSCO girls, 50,000 imaginary nurses, the self partnered and the inextricably connected, Undines and hyacinth girls, wastemen and wreckheads, strivers and ordinary working stiffs, all are welcome, so come and join us and we’ll make you glad you did.
Nov 18th
Hey! We all know it's tough out there.. one minute everything seems just peachy, you’re dancing the night away in Bouji’s to the sweet sweet sounds of Armand Van Helden, the next you’re been cast aside like some gremlin, you’re sweating profusely into your pizza, Fortuna’s wheel has swung and you’re cast into the outer blackness, a hideous realm of arid nothingness populated by the shrill ghosts of the lost, the lonely and Change UK… but wait! JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH is on hand to offer the sleepless in Woking some shelter from the coming storm, an oasis of positive vibrations where you can revive your poor saggy kundalini by taking deep healing draughts from the bottomless well of cool grooves and hot licks embodied on this octave by the spiritual vessels known to man as Luke “BoomShanka” Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz “BoomShakalaka” Thomas (drms) plus earthly assistance from me on bass, while the fearless gothic masters of the Bee’s Team hover, shimmering, in the velvet darkness behind the well-stocked bar, waiting to anticipate your material needs and slake your inner thirst with the finest liquors known to humanity.. so what if the river’s tent is broken, the last fingers of leaf clutch and sink into the wet bank, the wind crosses the brown land, unheard, and the nymphs are departed? Don’t let the wasteman get you down, don’t be downhearted, be of good cheer, Patience Strong, come and join us and we’ll armour ourselves, we’ll build a boat together against the coming tide.
Nov 11th
Only 31 more thrill-filled days to go before this year’s bumper size family fun polling day offers minutes of endless fun to the grateful nation as they pointedly exercise their democratic franchise in some draughty primary school hall under the reproachful gaze of year 3’s animal project artwork, before returning to their chartered homes to compose a really stinging fb post about it all … JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEES’ MOUTH will provide a much needed antidote to the dreary heckles, endless statistically compromised polling, gifs of Toady Nigel and his cranky crew of hedge-dwellers, Boris flinging different coloured wreaths about in a Brexitty frenzy, Jezza looking noble and wounded, Jo Swinson like a pushy school mum trying to muscle in on the Summer Fair committee after one tin of G & T too many, the frantic opportunistic jockeying around the Celtic fringe, and all the other sagging rusty panoply of our great democracy in the exercise of its most sacred rite… this very evening we’ll be unleashing the power that lurks within man like Luke “Love Bomb” Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz “Time Bomb” Thomas (drms) as they lay out a life-affirming display of hot licks and cool grooves, aided in some fashion by me on bass, while the fearless Captain Jack Rowan and his doughty team prepare to repel boarders and a host of exotic special guests throng the companionways, shaking their tawny manes and clacking their brazen claws, and the air is thick with the heady scents of the spices of the isles and the intoxicating effloresence of distant, sybaritic sunkissed shores…. you could stay in knitting your own boomer vs millennial memes, or trying to deceive your fitbit, or trying to remember where you put your bitcoin, but don’t, don’t do that, come and join us, it’s time.
Nov 4th
The streets were alive with the shrieks of a thousand sexy vampires, the sullen mumble of teenagers in Purge masks, precocious Hanover kids dressed to express their parents’ political prejudices, incomprehensible video-game themed tweens enjoying their last sugar rush before they move up to Year 8 and the hard stuff.. now the vampires are sad, their greasepaint is gone but no amount of Nivea can remove the stain of remorse from their hearts, and JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH is here yet again regular as the spin of merciless fortuna’s wheel to cheer everyone up as we all bump down from a high of inhibition-busting adult dressing up fun and down down down to the dreary reality of five weeks of a torrent of electioneering socials on your feed, the gruesome zombies of a million bitterly unresolved fb arguments about Jezza rearing their ugly heads yet again and Farages' froggy jowls quivering back onto your neglected tv, plus the sneaking suspicion that you’ve been pyschographically targeted by Russian bots based on an assessment of all your most boring charateristics and maybe that’s just who you really are…. a murrain upon the lot of em, cos we’ll have man like Luke “Don Gorgon” Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz “Tunguska Event” Thomas (drms) raising the vibe and setting the night on fire with their customary outpourings of 100% proof swing-to-bop-to-blues-to-whatever, as I do whatevs on bass in the corner by the door, the peerless ascended beings of the Bee’s team wait, smiling enigmatically, from the scented shadows, and whatever honoured guests drop in from the cold steaming kebab scented darkness… Pump up the jam, pump it up, while you feet are stompin’, and the jam is pumpin’, look at here the crowd is jumpin’…. come and join us, make your day, make your day.